Posted by: hmillic | September 25, 2007

Jack Bauer gets 4th DUI

Kiefer Sutherland is in some serious doo-doo. Los Angeles police said they stopped Sutherland’s car near the boundaries of Beverly Hills and West Hollywood shortly after 1 a.m. last night after he was seen making an illegal U-turn . He reportedly blew more than twice the California legal limit of .08, and was taken into custody for suspicion of driving under the influence. The arrest came hours before Sutherland, who spent much of his boyhood in Toronto, was to be honored by the Alliance of Canadian Cinema, Television and Radio Artists (ACTRA) at the residence of Canada’s Consul General in Los Angeles.

Kiefer is no stranger to the celebrity DUI club… this is his FOURTH arrest! Kiefer plead guilty in 1989 and 1993 to reckless driving charges, and again in 2004 to driving while intoxicated. What makes his current charges so damning is the fact that he’s still under the five year probation he received for the 2004 conviction. A lot of people are wondering why his ’04 arrest stayed under the radar, but this is due to the fact that Keifer’s high powered attorney Blair Berk (who has repped Mel Gibson and scores of other celebs) slyly chose a November 2nd court date. With every media outlet focusing on the Presidential election, the conviction slipped by unnoticed.

Assuming the current arrest leads to formal charges, it would be up to the judge who handled Sutherland’s previous case to decide if he violated probation. The same judge, Michael Sauer, sentenced celebrity socialite Paris Hilton to 45 days in jail for breaching her probation in a previous DUI case. Considering this judge is a total media whore, I’m sure he’s going to jump at the opportunity to throw the books at another celebrity. Not that he doesn’t deserve to pay the price for making yet another dumb ass move (don’t celebrities have enough money for cab fare? or friends for a ride?) but this time the judge will probably make an example of him by handing down some serious jail time.

I can’t help but imagine what Jack Bauer would do if he was pulled over for drunk driving. Would he comply with police orders? Hell no! Nobody tells Bauer what to do! He’d probably ram a ball point pen into the officer’s trachea, then jump into the squad car, drive it off a cliff into the ocean, and jump out at the last second before impact to avoid being engulfed into the fireball. Then he’d use the breathalyzer as a makeshift snorkel as he stealthily makes his way to the shoreline. On the way he’d run into several sharks, which he would slay with his bare hands. After scaling another jagged cliff miles away from the wreckage, he’d happen upon an evil terrorist waiting for him at the top, and then Jack would kill him with a pack of Juicy Fruit he found in his pocket. Jack would then take car keys from the man’s lifeless body, then saunter over to the dead man’s Lamborghini Renventon, get in, then resume his drunk driving in peace as he made his way back to CTU.

But, sadly, this wasn’t the way went for Keifer. The long arm of the law reached out and slapped him square in the face. On the bright side, I think jail will suit him just fine. Nobody has more street cred than Jack Bauer!


  1. hi.i’m madgd.i from poland.nice to meet you. i love and collection about:kiefer sutherland,natalie portman, star wars,david caruso, csi:miami.i’m 17. i have got 4 sisters and 1 brother.i like music and basketball.

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